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Femdom Sub-genre Of BDSM Defined I love how Wikipedia defines BDSM, and I think it’s accurate: “Functionally, it is a form of 'power play', where power dynamics are used as part of the erotic experience.” I think this would define a femdom BDSM exchange as well, only that in the case of femdom scenarios or “power plays” or power exchanges it offers an extra subversive element of challenging gender stereotypes—a reversal of the usual power dynamics and, as such, reveals a host of deeply-conditioned male fears (involving the loss of control, the loss of “masculinity,” of not being “on top”). In this way, I see femdom
scenarios as playing out like little psychosexual horror stories
for men (“power exchange horror stories”), or black comedies (as in
the Polanski film, Bitter Moon, or the Japanese film, Moonlight
Whispers), or sometimes like cautionary tales (as in Venus
In Furs, for instance, and the endless online “true life” tales
subtitled, “Careful What You Wish For”). I see such scenarios as having more to do with breaching vulnerable psychological territory rather than just being obvious physical confrontations involving whips and chains, which is the most referenced cliché. These power play scenarios are head-games really—mind-fucks—repeatedly touching on male fear (as in the fear of inadequacy, of castration?). What’s the greatest terror for a boy? Of being called a sissy. What’s the greatest terror for a straight man? Effeminacy. Ineffectualness. Impotence. Being cuckolded. Of being seen as “less than a man.” The terror of not “wearing the pants” and being “owned.” Femdom BDSM scenarios bluntly challenge—even poke fun at—the status quo. And a close examination of femdom scripts reveals a lot about cultural notions of masculine privilege and about the anxiety and paranoia men have of being stripped of this power. Ultimately, this might explain why most femdom BDSM scenarios are scripted by men—because they address masculine anxieties—some of which women may not be aware (status and power being less of a defining factor in their lives). The passive-aggressive nature of submission in men, I think, comes from the conflict of eroticized fear being transposed over deeply rooted, shame-based masculine conditioning. It goes without saying that humiliation is central to femdom BDSM scenarios. This is how femdom is provocative. What follows is part of an actual ad from a professional domina. For the males reading this, ask yourself truthfully if this isn’t just a little bit scary: imagine this domina fucking with your head, coaxing you to stand down and surrender control. Domina
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