I
love how Wikipedia
defines BDSM,
and I think it’s accurate: “Functionally, it is a form
of ‘power play,’ where power dynamics are used
as part of the erotic experience.”
I think this
would define a femdom BDSM exchange as well, only
that in the case of femdom scenarios or “power plays”
or power exchanges it offers an extra subversive element
of challenging gender stereotypes—a reversal of the
usual power dynamics and, as such, reveals a host of deeply-conditioned male fears
(involving the loss of control, the loss of “masculinity,”
of not being “on top”).
In this way,
I see femdom scenarios as playing out like little psychosexual
horror stories for men (“power exchange horror
stories”), or black comedies (as in the Polanski
film, Bitter Moon, or the Japanese film, Moonlight Whispers),
or sometimes like cautionary tales (as in Venus In Furs,
for instance, and the endless online “true life”
tales subtitled, “Careful What You Wish For”).
I see such
scenarios as having more to do with breaching vulnerable
psychological territory rather than just being obvious
physical confrontations involving whips and chains, which
is the most referenced cliché. These power play
scenarios are head-games really—mind-fucks—repeatedly
touching on male fear (as in the fear of inadequacy, of
castration?).
What’s
the greatest terror for a boy? Of being called a sissy.
What’s the greatest terror for a straight man? Effeminacy.
Ineffectualness. Impotence. Being cuckolded. Of being
seen as “less than a man.” The terror of not
“wearing the pants” and being “owned.”
Femdom BDSM
scenarios bluntly challenge—even poke fun at—the
status quo. And a close examination of femdom scripts
reveals a lot about cultural notions of masculine privilege
and about the anxiety and paranoia men have of being stripped
of this power.
Ultimately, this
might explain why most femdom BDSM scenarios
are scripted by men—because they address masculine
anxieties—some of which women may not be
aware (status and power being less of a defining factor in their lives).
The passive-aggressive nature of submission in men,
I think, comes from the conflict of eroticized fear being
transposed over deeply rooted, shame-based masculine conditioning.
It goes without saying that humiliation is central to
femdom BDSM scenarios. This is how femdom is provocative.
What follows
is part of an actual ad from a professional domina. For
the males reading this, ask yourself truthfully if this
isn’t just a little bit scary: imagine this domina fucking with
your head, coaxing you to stand down and surrender
control.
Domina
ad here
Also of interest:
Serena
Moon and The Fine Art of Face-sitting
Artwork by Eric Stanton
What would Freud say about femdom?
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